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The effectiveness of an
organization depends on the
quality of its relationships.


 

       Certified Master Coach Course - Some Introductory Notes: 
      Relationship Coaching in the Workplace
          -The need to use a relationship diagnosis as part of your coaching assessment ©

           (includes extracts from new text book 'Behavioral Coaching' by Zeus and Skiffington -published and copyrighted by McGraw-Hill, New York)

Relationship Coaching and Relationship Management:
It has long been known that an individual's behavior is often played out in and exacerbated by problems in his or her personal relationships.

 

Relationship skills deficiencies can make any relationship difficult. Today Managers/Leaders are expected to possess relationship

intelligence and manage a whole range of individual and group problematic behavior issues such as; office conflicts, difficult employees,

resolving different opinions, improving low morale, lack of creativity etc. However, most Managers/Leaders simply don't have the time,

people skills and motivation to manage relationship issues during stress, challenge and change.

 

Few people know what they want. More people know what they don't want, or what they should want, or have an abstract goal direction.

Many people even object to their own goals. Most people have conflicts.


Personal Success and Relationships are interconnected: 

Relationship coaching typically focuses on improving a person's interpersonal skills. In relationship coaching, preventive maintenance

is the key. Through a developed Relationship Coaching Program, managers/leaders/team leaders/supervisors can improve their

communication and people skills to maintain, improve or salvage relationships. In addition, a coach may assist an individual to create

more balance in their life which actually leads to more creative energy for work.

 

All Managers/Leaders need to systematically develop a sound relational model of supervision and address important aspects of the relationship, such as: transferences and counter-transferences in the supervisory relationship; the problems and uses of regression; the distribution of power and authority; the teach-treat dilemma; conflicts between collegiality and inequality or dependence; and the supervisor's multiple loyalties to the organization, their manager, the supervisee, and clients. Working with their coach, Managers/Leaders also need to develop and be able to articulate their own theory of helping.

 

Human Relationships within organizations are Complex Systems:

People communicate and respond to communication in a hierarchy of relationship complexity. This hierarchy includes friendship, teamwork, partnership, leadership and meetings of strangers. In each relationship type there is a spectrum of culturally appropriate skills and a spectrum of intimacy (or closeness) between the members.

 

Managers and executives need relationship skills - and where there are relationships there are emotions, feelings and 'ups' and 'downs'. Although human relationship problems may be easy to recognize, it is harder to discover the underlying (systemic) causes of those problems. Incorrect relationship problem analysis and the implementation of wrong solutions can have disastrous consequences.

 

Self-Awareness, Adaptability and Building and Maintaining Rapport:
In the quest of increasing their relationship intelligence, Managers/Leaders need to first establish a relationship with their Self. This then

allows them to create a two-way bridge with others in order to build better relationships that are mutually beneficial, ensuring engaged
and
committed team members. Managers/Leaders also need to learn how to appreciate others for the different strengths that they bring
into
the interaction, and what is needed to help them develop. Good relationship management is having the skills to be able to relate and

enrol others successfully towards a mutually beneficial outcome.

 

As we are aware, most people are not open about the dynamics at play within a group of people or an organization. For example, often

when a coaching initiative is begun: 1) it is not clear who is significant until there is an exploration of the 'house rules' and, 2) many
coaches find it helpful to establish the
relationship
interactions between genders and generations.

 

Changing relationship patterns:
We all distort external experience with our internal process which can in turn feel more real than external reality. People use relationship

consequences as reference points by which they can assess other relationships. As we can change the quality of our reference

experiences, we are also capable of changing relationship patterns.

 

Relationship coaching is about assessing human systems -by:

  1. Recognizing Problems
  2. Systemic Diagnosis
  3. Identifying Solutions
  4. Implementing Solutions
  5. Monitoring and Testing their effectiveness
Friendship, team-member, manager / subordinate, partnership -no relationship runs smoothly all the time.
Different personal histories, expectations, or communication skills will surface. Sometimes distractions and misunderstandings will arise.
People sometimes confuse signals from management, colleagues or employees. Other times people can be become distressed or feel
betrayed if their well-meaning expressions to persons who they regard as "friends" are ignored or rebuffed.
 
Relationship Variables -such as Transference:
Transference is a phenomenon in psychology characterized by unconscious redirection for feelings of one person to another. For instance,
one could mistrust somebody who resembles an ex-manager in manners, voice or external appearance; or be overly compliant to
someone who resembles a childhood friend.


Some Common Relationship Problems include:

-Relationship Entanglements

Relationship entanglements are unwanted emotional bonds between people and are both the cause and effect of odd relationship behavior.

They can generate great stress and suffering and cause conflicts, depression, accidents, insomnia and illness. For most people, suffering

is the first essential step towards acknowledging the problem.

 

-Mentor Damage & Expert Modeling -Helping people choose inspirational mentors in all parts of life.

Sometimes people need to understand the consequences of inappropriate mentorship, incompetent managers and well-meaning friends. 

The coach needs to assist a coachee to learn how to evaluate and replace toxic role models and mentors. Coaches also need to learn how

to model and duplicate expert behavior eg; focusing on problem solving techniques and the modeling of conscious and unconscious
strategies. 

 

-Relationship Bonds

Some people stay in a human system despite having sound reasons to leave. People are often emotionally bonded to repeat actions that

they would prefer to avoid. Relationship bonds often manifest as helplessness and hopelessness -underscored by self-limiting beliefs. This 

behavior is typical in people who dislike or despise a relationship system such as a team, group, department or organization, yet cling to
it.
Coaches need to know how to explore their deep structure and how to end relationship damage.

Relationship Coaching is a common sense, non-judgmental way to:

  • make business and personal relationships more productive.
  • reduce the costs of conflict and turn it into a positive force.
  • discover potential sources of conflict.
  • look beyond people’s “personality”

In Summary: Behavior-based coaching can help leaders/managers develop more effective personal relationships and a
                     more positive workplace
Effective leaders/managers are those who create an environment in which employees want to perform well.
Mediocre leaders/managers,
on the other hand, create a workplace where employees either feel they “have to” perform well or else they care only about meeting the
minimal work requirements to keep their jobs.

Too often, leaders/managers tend to view behavior simply as a function of personality and motivation rather than recognizing that behavior
is also a function of the work environment. This work environment also includes leadership practices and the social environment. Using
objective descriptions of behavior also improves the quality of feedback, whether positive or corrective. This is a specific instance of where
the improved quality of communication serves the goal of improved work relationships.


The Behavioral Coaching Institute's internationally-recognized Certified Master Coach Course
 -Training in the use of evidence-based psychological methodologies:

Many vital behavioral-based change models, tools and techniques and assessment instruments a professional coach requires to work
with relationship issues are only available to coaches trained and mentored by an educator who is also a licensed clinical psychologist.
The Institute's invitational, fast-tracked Certified Master Coach Course (Self-Study, Campus and Distance Learning Format) meets the
critical needs for business and executive coaches to be trained and mentored in the use of validated, reliable psychology-based tools
and techniques. 
 Read More >.... 

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